{mis}Adventure #2 (circa fall 2007): Teenaged Mutant Ninja Slug

So, I got back from DC at around 1130ish tonight and finished dragging some of my stuff out of the truck closer to midnight. No, I am not going to tell you about another {mis}adventure incorporating me, my cell phone car charger and a ride around "town".  I'm actually proud to say that, this weekend, I purchased an adapter that converts my car charger into a wall charger - so no more blogs about THAT!  No, no...THIS time my {mis}adventure is about a slug bug that apparently made its way into my place as I transferred my bags inside.

Picture this: I've just completed a five-hour haul from Maryland to New York, have just brought in the last of the bags from my truck,  am closing the front door behind me, prepare to relax when I feel like something is WATCHING me...

The last time I had this feeling there was a spider on my kitchen wall in Korea.  No KIDDING the thing HAD to have had a three-inch body and its legs added another inch or so to its size. Long story short, the Korean spider episode ended with one of my buddies coming to my apartment to 'dispose' of the crawlie after I'd placed a freaked out phone call to him. I must admit that when I'm in uniform and / or around Soldiers I tend to not freak out about things like this, but when I'm in civilian clothing my girlie side emerges. 

Oh, so what was watching me, you ask?

A nice, fat juicy...SLUG!!

*ugh*

At first glance I had NO idea what it was...I actually thought it was some a leaf and was ready to just sweep it back outside, but when I took a closer look and realized what it REALLY was…I started to go into "girl mode". Saying stuff to myself like:

“Oh my gosh, how in THE heck did this get in here?!”

“Oh my goodness, how am I going to get this out of HERE?!”

“ Who can I call…aww crap, it's too late to realistically call my co-workers and ask them to get this out of the house!" *pout*

“Dangit! I'm am going to HAVE to move this thing!”


In the midst of my freak out, a friend whom I'd gotten to spend time with during the weekend called to ensure that I'd made it safely to New York.  I took the phone call as a crisis intervention opportunity.  As I planned my slug removal process I (seriously) wondered, via telephone, things like, “What if it turns out to be teenaged-mutant ninja slug?” To which my friend calmly replied, "KJo, you DO realize that slugs don't really even move?"

My biggest worry when dealing with "crawlies" is their response to my inevitable abuse.  That and I just can't LOOK at them…if I never have to look at them, then I'm good, maybe.

As a result of this ordeal, I present to you KJo's Proven 20-Minute Slug Removal Process:


~5 minutes: Squeal, shriek, stomp, pout and pray (read: ask God "Why?") about the slug over the phone before taking first action…

~5 minutes: From approximately 3-5 feet away, spray bug spray on the slug.  Then squeal, shriek, stomp, pout and pray (see above definition) about why the once motionless slug is now curling into a ball.  Comment that you KNEW it would react like a teenaged mutant ninja slug to the spray and ACTUALLY worry that it may jump toward you.  Step back an additional 2 feet…

~5 minutes: Squeal, shriek, stomp, pout and pray (you know the deal) about HOW to get the slug THE heck out of your house.  Use a broom handle to put a plastic bag over the slug so you don't have to look at it…


~4 minutes & 45 seconds: Comment about how hilarious and ridiculous you would look if this were a reality show.  Recognize that you would probably ridicule yourself if you WERE watching this on a reality show.  Squeal, shriek and stomp as you near the slug in a true attempt to get it outside and then...punk out.


~15 seconds: Comment that if this WERE a reality show that you would probably yell at yourself to just Sweep the damned thing in to the dust pan & dump it outside already! aaaaand simultaneously sweep the damned thing into the dust pan & dump it outside…

So after all that commotion (the squealing, shrieking, stomping, pouting, praying) it turns out that all I had to do was get outta "girly-girl mode" and I could've saved myself (and my phone friend) 19 minutes and 45 seconds of drama. But what the hey, maybe I'm just trying to get material for the script of KJo's {mis}Adventures -- a show not unlike Everybody Hates Chris where everything that happens is true, yet ridiculously funny!


{CLOUD}: "Bugs" can pop into our lives at inopportune times...

SILVER LINING: ...you've just gotta summon your "non-girlie" side to get past life's "bugs"!

Tell me about the time you____

So many of you already know about some of my {mis}Adventures. I want to hear from you what you'd like to see as my first post!!


Here are some past {mis}Adventures (circa 2007 / 2008):

-Teenaged Mutant Ninja Slug

-The Noise

-WTH?! California has Tolls?

-Diagnosis: Iritis. What the heck IS that??


Here are more recent {mis}Adventures:

-What do you do when your flight to Maui is delayed? Have a Toga Party!

-Fun times with Hurricane Earl

-Locked out and Leaping Balconies...


Have other {mis}Adventures in mind...comment about them below!